P.I.A.W.N.R My Story
;Never be too afraid to ask for help
Play it again with no regrets is a non profit organization i recently came up with. This is an organization offering help and words of advice to youth in crisis, but of course.. everyone has a story behind there reason for motivation. Honestly the main reason i created this was to help teenagers in situations like i have been in during the past few years. Sometimes you just need a helping hand or a friend to keep you going, sadly some can't get the opportunity to do that, thats why i want to reach out. My story...
(some things will not be shared)
As a teen girl life is and will be hard, not just for girls, boys aswell. I was one of the many that gave into temptation. temptation with drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships. By my age i had been beaten or hit by ex boyfriends and my father, ran away from home three times, each over two weeks long, Been sexually abused 4 times. I have continued to cut and it's turned from four or five at a time to a couple hundred at a time, i was bulemic. i started to hear and see things, voices and this man. i could feel him, feel him breathe, he kept getting closer and closer to me. i got threatened all the time from people i knew and people i have never heard of. By the time these things started to happen i got worried.. i got worried i couldn't handle this all on my own anymore, i couldn't keep holding it or bottling it up all inside of myself. This was when i realized i had depression. i have now had depression for about four years, and because of my depression i started to become suicidol. Thinking i had no purpose. That i was a waste of space, a waste of a remarkable creation. I felt like i had no other choice but to end my life.
On my left and right arms, the surface is covered in cuts, some deep, some only minor. I would cut and watch the blood roll down my arm as if i was releasing pain from my body. I have lost feeling in one small section of my arm because i hit a vein, that's when i realized it was more than a coping strategy, it was an addiction. After one night of cutting.. one of my friends had convinced me to go out and drink with her and a few people i never met before, before i knew it, i was drunk, beaten, sexually assaulted and left to sleep on a concrete floor in a random laundry room in someones house. Even worse the night before i had been convinced without me knowing to try methamphetamine. I was hooked on it for about two or three weeks.
I had now isolated myself from everyone and everything, stopped going to school, found every reason in the world to cry every second i had. Then it led to sadly my nine attempts of suicide. I won't go into detail about them but some put me in the hospital. recently i had been admitted into a psych ward for about two weeks. while i was in there i was allowed day passes, on a day pass i couldnt see anyone but family and i luckily was allowed on facebook to tell my close family and friends what was going on. i posted "in the hospital, won't be on fb for awhile <3" and one girl continued to comment putting me down and then her friend joined in and made it worse. i deleted the post. i also recieved messages saying i was stupid and wasn't actually in the hospital, i was just a pathetic loser looking for attention. the hospital removed strings, sharp objects etc from me so i couldnt hurt myself but i snuck a blade in and in a place where they watch you intensely, i made 36 cuts on my left arm from things people had said to me. Sadly i didn't get much help from the hospital when i was discharged because i refused to believe they wanted to help me and pretended i was fine. After I had started up council lying and that continued for about a year. Nothing is perfect, but i'm enjoying today for what it is. It's been almost three years since i made my first website sharing my story to the world. fortunately i can say that i am in a much better place then i was back then, I haven't cut in 8 months, haven't had suicidal thoughts in months and I am starting to feel good about myself. Things do change! We can get better as long as we get and accept the help we need and deserve!! I have a job, I can sleep well now! I can smile when I'm having a bad day. I really couldn't of done it without the people I had here supporting me and that's why I'm pushing this so hard to help the people out there that really do think they have nobody. Let me be there or try to at least! Vent to me, talk to me, I'm here and available 24/7 PLAYITAGAINWITHNOREGRETS!
I never believed someone in my situation could get better but it can and it does. I am struggling but i'm not going to loose myself again. Sometimes your mind is your worst enemy, and sometimes it's your only true friend. I guess that's why we always listen to it. Through everything going on the one thing that kept me strong was my music. singing and writing music was my life. So now i "play it again" my songs with no regrets or doubt about them helping me survive through the rough times, now is my chance to share them with everyone in need, everyone who needs something to keep them going. I don't want to be someone people look up to or someone who is remembered. I want to be somebody who helps people throughout problems in there life that i can relate to, or refer people to somebody else to get the help they nead and deserve! So now all i'm asking you is to Speak out, Speak up, And remember if things aren't good.. it's not the end <3 If you ever need help or just someone to vent to, i'll be here. E-mail me at [email protected] and i'll help you as best as i can. Recovery begins with you.
If you want your story heard or shared please send them to me at [email protected] and i will try my best to get your story across and for you to get what you need to move on with your life.
(some things will not be shared)
As a teen girl life is and will be hard, not just for girls, boys aswell. I was one of the many that gave into temptation. temptation with drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships. By my age i had been beaten or hit by ex boyfriends and my father, ran away from home three times, each over two weeks long, Been sexually abused 4 times. I have continued to cut and it's turned from four or five at a time to a couple hundred at a time, i was bulemic. i started to hear and see things, voices and this man. i could feel him, feel him breathe, he kept getting closer and closer to me. i got threatened all the time from people i knew and people i have never heard of. By the time these things started to happen i got worried.. i got worried i couldn't handle this all on my own anymore, i couldn't keep holding it or bottling it up all inside of myself. This was when i realized i had depression. i have now had depression for about four years, and because of my depression i started to become suicidol. Thinking i had no purpose. That i was a waste of space, a waste of a remarkable creation. I felt like i had no other choice but to end my life.
On my left and right arms, the surface is covered in cuts, some deep, some only minor. I would cut and watch the blood roll down my arm as if i was releasing pain from my body. I have lost feeling in one small section of my arm because i hit a vein, that's when i realized it was more than a coping strategy, it was an addiction. After one night of cutting.. one of my friends had convinced me to go out and drink with her and a few people i never met before, before i knew it, i was drunk, beaten, sexually assaulted and left to sleep on a concrete floor in a random laundry room in someones house. Even worse the night before i had been convinced without me knowing to try methamphetamine. I was hooked on it for about two or three weeks.
I had now isolated myself from everyone and everything, stopped going to school, found every reason in the world to cry every second i had. Then it led to sadly my nine attempts of suicide. I won't go into detail about them but some put me in the hospital. recently i had been admitted into a psych ward for about two weeks. while i was in there i was allowed day passes, on a day pass i couldnt see anyone but family and i luckily was allowed on facebook to tell my close family and friends what was going on. i posted "in the hospital, won't be on fb for awhile <3" and one girl continued to comment putting me down and then her friend joined in and made it worse. i deleted the post. i also recieved messages saying i was stupid and wasn't actually in the hospital, i was just a pathetic loser looking for attention. the hospital removed strings, sharp objects etc from me so i couldnt hurt myself but i snuck a blade in and in a place where they watch you intensely, i made 36 cuts on my left arm from things people had said to me. Sadly i didn't get much help from the hospital when i was discharged because i refused to believe they wanted to help me and pretended i was fine. After I had started up council lying and that continued for about a year. Nothing is perfect, but i'm enjoying today for what it is. It's been almost three years since i made my first website sharing my story to the world. fortunately i can say that i am in a much better place then i was back then, I haven't cut in 8 months, haven't had suicidal thoughts in months and I am starting to feel good about myself. Things do change! We can get better as long as we get and accept the help we need and deserve!! I have a job, I can sleep well now! I can smile when I'm having a bad day. I really couldn't of done it without the people I had here supporting me and that's why I'm pushing this so hard to help the people out there that really do think they have nobody. Let me be there or try to at least! Vent to me, talk to me, I'm here and available 24/7 PLAYITAGAINWITHNOREGRETS!
I never believed someone in my situation could get better but it can and it does. I am struggling but i'm not going to loose myself again. Sometimes your mind is your worst enemy, and sometimes it's your only true friend. I guess that's why we always listen to it. Through everything going on the one thing that kept me strong was my music. singing and writing music was my life. So now i "play it again" my songs with no regrets or doubt about them helping me survive through the rough times, now is my chance to share them with everyone in need, everyone who needs something to keep them going. I don't want to be someone people look up to or someone who is remembered. I want to be somebody who helps people throughout problems in there life that i can relate to, or refer people to somebody else to get the help they nead and deserve! So now all i'm asking you is to Speak out, Speak up, And remember if things aren't good.. it's not the end <3 If you ever need help or just someone to vent to, i'll be here. E-mail me at [email protected] and i'll help you as best as i can. Recovery begins with you.
If you want your story heard or shared please send them to me at [email protected] and i will try my best to get your story across and for you to get what you need to move on with your life.