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UNTITLED
So first I should start by saying, this is NOT my story, but a story of a girl I know. Well about 8 months ago this girl added me on facebook, now I can't remember why she added me on facebook but thats not important. After we sorted that out we started talking, we connected like I've never connected with someone before, and before I realized it she opened up her rather dark life to me. Now I wasn't afraid I really felt bad for her, no one would listen, no one would believe. So I did what I do best. I listened, and she talked, talked a lot actually. Some of the stuff she said horrified me, I really felt bad for her, of course i knew really nothing of what she had gone through, I just had to try to imagine. Then it came to the suicide. She started to try and commit suicide, still having all of our talks over facebook I was able to convince her that she wasn't a waste of space, that she was useful, and that people did care.... And she believed me, she's just started to turn stuff around for herself and I'm just now realizing how much I care for this girl, I think I might love her. I just wanted to share this story to let people know you can find love, hope and support in the weirdest places, and darkest places.
-Anonymous
My Bestfriend
***** ok we need to do something about this, u can't keep hurting your body and yourself inside because of all these things, i know just about all ur problems and we need to fix them somehow. I told u I would always be here for you and that's not going to change but u need to actually want to get better and choose to for yourself. ***** for starters you got mixed up with the wrong people, u got into drugs and have tried very bad ones , how do u think I felt inside watching u when u snorted meth? It literally killed me to see my best friend do that. And I'm really hoping u stopped everything to do drug wise. 2nd after u dated ****** u wanted to start dating older guys, but from that it went into having sex with many older guys and having pregnancy scares at. 13 and 14 years old. That's crazy:( and getting drunk at parties and meeting these random older guys that's bad u don't know them at all :( like ***** u met him while at a party u don't even remember and look at how much he's put you through? And **** ? The hells angels dude? They wanted u in their group only to have sex with u and use you I know that's what they wanted and thank god u said no to that I'm proud of you for that, but all of this bullshit that's been happening got you completely on the wrong track and I understand why your depressed and suicidal but you can fix things bbg your past is your past and all you need to do is realize the mistakes you made and forget about all of those douche bag older guys who caused you pain and hurt. It's all because of them, where as all the guys you were with we're dicks and just wanted sex that's it. But Jenna I know you know that and your looking for the right guy now but who knows maybe he's not an 18 year old ? Maybe he could be 14 or 15 just maybe stay clear of guys for a while till you get back on track and find yourself, and please don't go to anymore parties, don't drink, don't do drugs and don't have sex. Because that's a lot to do with why your so depressed and suicidal those things tried to ruin your life:( they took the old ***** away and brought back someone who wants death hates her life and uses pain to help her suffering. I don't want to see this anymore I can't do it and I'm gonna help you as best as I can please don't hate me for this Msg because I love you more then anybody and I would literally die if I lost you . I just need you to know the truth. And ***** your a beautiful smart girl who didn't deserve any of this but you just got mixed up in it and now u have to work out to get out and I promise you that everything will be alright . I'm sorry. ♥ and also I understand your other problems that arent your fault at all like **** and your mom and dad and family and friends but we all have problems like that and you can and will get though them u just have to be strong :( I'm sorry if this Wasn't the best thing for you to hear rite now I love you. Please don't hate me:(
How Do you cope... When your world turns against you?
How do you cope?
when your…
…friend who you thought was your best friend left you?
…mother decides not to believe in you and wants to disown you?
…brother and sister decides to not stand up for you and stay with your mother instead, even though you truly believe you are right?
…only friends are the good friends, but no close friends?
…love life is in shit-hole?
…university academic is being affected by your drastic (depression) behavior?
…thoughts of suicide is re-surfacing, stronger than ever?
I am sleeping alone now in a hotel. My mother just left me to sleep in our new apartment. My brother is staying with my mother in his apartment for the night. I am exhausted and tired from crying my eyes out.
I do not want to sleep because I feel as if tomorrow is only going to get worse. New years day is the day after.
I want to leave the world. I do not know how to. Or maybe I am afraid. I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 7 years old but I never took it as seriously as within these past few years. Now all these stress is making me reconsider suicide as an option.
Please do not take it as a joke. Can anyone out there offer me some kind of help? Please.
I wish I have an angel or a friend or stranger or anyone… holding my hand right now and telling me sincerely it is alright and they will always be there to hear me and take time to take me seriously.
I really want to believe. again. How do you cope if you were in my shoes
The Comfort Of Suicide As An Option
I have been comforted over the years with the thought that if things got too bad, I could always end it at any time. What I have done for the last ten years is find something that I want to do before I die and then stick to it. What worked for me was to find a weekly TV program that I really liked and then waiting for the final episode.
Since I was not in a panic or rush, this seemed to work well for a long time. I am a senior citizen and have lived totally alone for the past twenty years. I will tell you that it really sucks being alone 24/7. I have become more and more a hermit. When I was employed, I had no problem getting up every morning and going to work and being the happy-go-lucky guy that everyone enjoyed. Then I would go home, watch TV and sleep until tomorrow and then start all over again. It really hurt to be alone but I found it next to impossible to do much about it or even get out of the house. Finding female companionship seemed to escape me. Everyone I met was either married or thirty years my junior.
I would seldom clean my house, never do dishes but would always take a shower and put on clean clothes every single day. Dishes and silverware would pile up in the sink for months and I would wind up throwing out every dish and saucepan that I owned rather than washing them. Now I live completely off paper plates and plastic silverware. The problem is that I hate myself for being this way but cant seem to change myself. If I drop something ( a plastic bag) on the floor, rather than picking it up, I will just kick it out of the way. More reason to dislike myself.
Now that I am no longer working and have gone through every penny I have saved, it seems like my health is taking a nosedive also. I am on the max dose of anti-depressants and hurt all over. My frigging brain is going also since I can no longer remember anything. I cant figure out if I hurt because I am depressed, or depressed because my body hurts. I am reasonable sure that my doctor thinks that I am a hypochondriac so does nothing for me except prescribe a few pills but never fixes anything.
I am to the point now where I sleep about 20 hours a day and have given up on finding things to keep me going for another day, week or month.
Yesterday I discovered this site and found it a little comforting that there are others out there with it much worse than me. However that does not change my mind that it is time to shuffle off this mortal coil. Time to go.
One other good thing about this site is that I found the the Helium Bag method of dispatch had its problems and I will now have to figure out an absolutely foolproof, painless and even comfortable way to take a dirt nap.
Damn, I though I had planned everything, now I have to make adjustments. The plan has to be 99.9999% foolproof and irrevocable and not be anything more traumatic than taking a nap. Don’t you just hate it when you find you have not thought of everything? ;-0
Before I finalize everything, I will probably post here a few more times.
To the many others that are also struggling, all I can say is that life is painful enough at times, why make your final act something that may hurt a lot worse or could even hurt someone else that really does not deserve it. Forget about the ropes, bullets and knives, forget about the non reliable bottle of pills or the painful poisons; if you have set your mind to doing it, do it with no pain or discomfort. Do a lot of research on methods before deciding and possibly, but only possibly, the problems that you have will go away before you do.
There is no hurry and eternity is a long time…so I have been told. Hang in there
UNTITLED
So first I should start by saying, this is NOT my story, but a story of a girl I know. Well about 8 months ago this girl added me on facebook, now I can't remember why she added me on facebook but thats not important. After we sorted that out we started talking, we connected like I've never connected with someone before, and before I realized it she opened up her rather dark life to me. Now I wasn't afraid I really felt bad for her, no one would listen, no one would believe. So I did what I do best. I listened, and she talked, talked a lot actually. Some of the stuff she said horrified me, I really felt bad for her, of course i knew really nothing of what she had gone through, I just had to try to imagine. Then it came to the suicide. She started to try and commit suicide, still having all of our talks over facebook I was able to convince her that she wasn't a waste of space, that she was useful, and that people did care.... And she believed me, she's just started to turn stuff around for herself and I'm just now realizing how much I care for this girl, I think I might love her. I just wanted to share this story to let people know you can find love, hope and support in the weirdest places, and darkest places.
-Anonymous
My Bestfriend
***** ok we need to do something about this, u can't keep hurting your body and yourself inside because of all these things, i know just about all ur problems and we need to fix them somehow. I told u I would always be here for you and that's not going to change but u need to actually want to get better and choose to for yourself. ***** for starters you got mixed up with the wrong people, u got into drugs and have tried very bad ones , how do u think I felt inside watching u when u snorted meth? It literally killed me to see my best friend do that. And I'm really hoping u stopped everything to do drug wise. 2nd after u dated ****** u wanted to start dating older guys, but from that it went into having sex with many older guys and having pregnancy scares at. 13 and 14 years old. That's crazy:( and getting drunk at parties and meeting these random older guys that's bad u don't know them at all :( like ***** u met him while at a party u don't even remember and look at how much he's put you through? And **** ? The hells angels dude? They wanted u in their group only to have sex with u and use you I know that's what they wanted and thank god u said no to that I'm proud of you for that, but all of this bullshit that's been happening got you completely on the wrong track and I understand why your depressed and suicidal but you can fix things bbg your past is your past and all you need to do is realize the mistakes you made and forget about all of those douche bag older guys who caused you pain and hurt. It's all because of them, where as all the guys you were with we're dicks and just wanted sex that's it. But Jenna I know you know that and your looking for the right guy now but who knows maybe he's not an 18 year old ? Maybe he could be 14 or 15 just maybe stay clear of guys for a while till you get back on track and find yourself, and please don't go to anymore parties, don't drink, don't do drugs and don't have sex. Because that's a lot to do with why your so depressed and suicidal those things tried to ruin your life:( they took the old ***** away and brought back someone who wants death hates her life and uses pain to help her suffering. I don't want to see this anymore I can't do it and I'm gonna help you as best as I can please don't hate me for this Msg because I love you more then anybody and I would literally die if I lost you . I just need you to know the truth. And ***** your a beautiful smart girl who didn't deserve any of this but you just got mixed up in it and now u have to work out to get out and I promise you that everything will be alright . I'm sorry. ♥ and also I understand your other problems that arent your fault at all like **** and your mom and dad and family and friends but we all have problems like that and you can and will get though them u just have to be strong :( I'm sorry if this Wasn't the best thing for you to hear rite now I love you. Please don't hate me:(
How Do you cope... When your world turns against you?
How do you cope?
when your…
…friend who you thought was your best friend left you?
…mother decides not to believe in you and wants to disown you?
…brother and sister decides to not stand up for you and stay with your mother instead, even though you truly believe you are right?
…only friends are the good friends, but no close friends?
…love life is in shit-hole?
…university academic is being affected by your drastic (depression) behavior?
…thoughts of suicide is re-surfacing, stronger than ever?
I am sleeping alone now in a hotel. My mother just left me to sleep in our new apartment. My brother is staying with my mother in his apartment for the night. I am exhausted and tired from crying my eyes out.
I do not want to sleep because I feel as if tomorrow is only going to get worse. New years day is the day after.
I want to leave the world. I do not know how to. Or maybe I am afraid. I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 7 years old but I never took it as seriously as within these past few years. Now all these stress is making me reconsider suicide as an option.
Please do not take it as a joke. Can anyone out there offer me some kind of help? Please.
I wish I have an angel or a friend or stranger or anyone… holding my hand right now and telling me sincerely it is alright and they will always be there to hear me and take time to take me seriously.
I really want to believe. again. How do you cope if you were in my shoes
The Comfort Of Suicide As An Option
I have been comforted over the years with the thought that if things got too bad, I could always end it at any time. What I have done for the last ten years is find something that I want to do before I die and then stick to it. What worked for me was to find a weekly TV program that I really liked and then waiting for the final episode.
Since I was not in a panic or rush, this seemed to work well for a long time. I am a senior citizen and have lived totally alone for the past twenty years. I will tell you that it really sucks being alone 24/7. I have become more and more a hermit. When I was employed, I had no problem getting up every morning and going to work and being the happy-go-lucky guy that everyone enjoyed. Then I would go home, watch TV and sleep until tomorrow and then start all over again. It really hurt to be alone but I found it next to impossible to do much about it or even get out of the house. Finding female companionship seemed to escape me. Everyone I met was either married or thirty years my junior.
I would seldom clean my house, never do dishes but would always take a shower and put on clean clothes every single day. Dishes and silverware would pile up in the sink for months and I would wind up throwing out every dish and saucepan that I owned rather than washing them. Now I live completely off paper plates and plastic silverware. The problem is that I hate myself for being this way but cant seem to change myself. If I drop something ( a plastic bag) on the floor, rather than picking it up, I will just kick it out of the way. More reason to dislike myself.
Now that I am no longer working and have gone through every penny I have saved, it seems like my health is taking a nosedive also. I am on the max dose of anti-depressants and hurt all over. My frigging brain is going also since I can no longer remember anything. I cant figure out if I hurt because I am depressed, or depressed because my body hurts. I am reasonable sure that my doctor thinks that I am a hypochondriac so does nothing for me except prescribe a few pills but never fixes anything.
I am to the point now where I sleep about 20 hours a day and have given up on finding things to keep me going for another day, week or month.
Yesterday I discovered this site and found it a little comforting that there are others out there with it much worse than me. However that does not change my mind that it is time to shuffle off this mortal coil. Time to go.
One other good thing about this site is that I found the the Helium Bag method of dispatch had its problems and I will now have to figure out an absolutely foolproof, painless and even comfortable way to take a dirt nap.
Damn, I though I had planned everything, now I have to make adjustments. The plan has to be 99.9999% foolproof and irrevocable and not be anything more traumatic than taking a nap. Don’t you just hate it when you find you have not thought of everything? ;-0
Before I finalize everything, I will probably post here a few more times.
To the many others that are also struggling, all I can say is that life is painful enough at times, why make your final act something that may hurt a lot worse or could even hurt someone else that really does not deserve it. Forget about the ropes, bullets and knives, forget about the non reliable bottle of pills or the painful poisons; if you have set your mind to doing it, do it with no pain or discomfort. Do a lot of research on methods before deciding and possibly, but only possibly, the problems that you have will go away before you do.
There is no hurry and eternity is a long time…so I have been told. Hang in there